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Monday, January 14, 2013

A DELICATE MATTER WITH FAR REACHING CONSEQUENCES



Aussie Prime Minister Julia Gillards’ announcement of the terms of reference of a Royal Commission of enquiry into sexual abuse of children in churches, schools and government institutions is a bold move (even though it shouldn’t be seen as such) and its going to uncover cans of worms for sure. It will no doubt bring at least some relief as victims are heard, perhaps for the first time. It will bring back traumatic memories for victims in those settings, and it will no doubt stir the pot for countless others abused in different settings by so called friends and family members – the very people children need to be able to trust. Most abuse victims have some sort of relationship with the abuser. The Royal Commission may have some pedophiles and predators ever so slightly concerned too. I wonder if any will be so remorseful as to own up and face their music?

In New Zealand we have plenty of sexual predators in our own back yard and it is safe to say those who are caught and prosecuted are a minority of the number who are offending. We can only guesstimate how many boys and girls, and women of all ages, have been and are subjected to sexual abuse. Despite progress in recent years, the whole subject is still relatively taboo but it is clear that a culture of abuse of women and children is deeply ingrained in human societies all over the world.
The ongoing furore over BBC TV personality Jimmy Saville’s long term offending with impunity, stories of cover-ups and all the ducking and diving that inevitably accompanies such investigations can surely be the tiniest tip of the iceberg in the UK too. It is an example of how blinded we can become when we don’t want to see. Then there is the recent hideous rape and murder of an innocent young woman in India, out for a movie and minding her own business with a friend. This widely publicized atrocity has highlighted the prevalence of rape and the abuse of women in Indian culture and has created calls for cultural change which will hopefully only grow louder. The human trafficking and the sex slave business continues to be a multi billion dollar industry and plenty of other cultures see women and children as exploitable commodities. Young men on Youtube having a laugh about a mate raping a comatose teen, is a modern example of some common and truly disturbing attitudes. From my view we are a pretty sick and immature species when seen through the sex lens.
So what are we to do about ourselves and our dysfunction? Perhaps our problems can be addressed in part through education along with the growth of a strong culture of intolerance of abuse. Victims also need to be empowered to speak up in a safe environment. This is easier said than done. It is incredibly easy to frighten or otherwise coerce a child (and even an adult) into silence. We are wired to survive, even if our silence plants the seeds of dis-ease inside as our experiences left unresolved eat away at self-esteem over time.
I understand this ‘eating away’ feeling well. My own sexual abuse happened one night when I was staying with my best friend’s family – on my very first summer holiday away from home. I was there for my seventh birthday. This family generously invited my brother and I to go away with them at a time when my mother (who was our sole parent) was unable to fund such a holiday herself. We were all very grateful and I was beside myself with excitement. That excitement turned to fear and simply surviving my holiday after the very first night – I was there for a week, which at seven years old felt like eternity.
My best friends’ father (who I had known for a year or so) woke me up with his activity and I can still vividly remember realizing what was happening and somehow swallowing the scream that rose up from my guts. I knew if he knew I was awake and aware he would have to kill me to stop me telling on him (this was my logic) so I endured the violation and pretended to be asleep. The next day I maneuvered a change to my sleeping space and each long night I stayed awake after everyone else when to sleep. He only came back one other time and when he saw I was awake he went away. I could only sleep once I knew he did. My fear of him kept me quiet long after the holiday. I did not disclose the incident until twenty years later. He died never knowing I knew what he did. He was never confronted and he abused other children too as I have come to discover. I still feel a sense of responsibility for that, even though none of the other children seem to have spoken out either. We let him ‘get away with it’.
You might think I must be mad not speaking up. I have certainly wondered myself over the years. I was a front line police officer for seven years for goodness sake! I had every resource I needed to file an historic complaint. I was close so many times and fear always stopped me. I would justify it was all so long ago. It was my word against his. My childhood memory would be discredited as fantasy. He was well liked in his community. I had no proof or witnesses. I didn’t want people seeing me as ‘tainted’ by it. Possibly the fear of being disbelieved was then the biggest block to my taking action. The responsibility of causing harm to my best friend and her mum weighed heavily too. I didn’t want to make a fuss and cause trouble. There were many facets to my silence. The times were different then and my procrastinations just grew into years and then decades of inaction regarding ‘him’. For myself, I did the work to resolve my own issues with it all and moved on as much as I could. It may seem weird to you but I still feel proud of a seven year old me that managed to minimize this to a one off experience – all by myself!
Today it might seem much easier for victims to speak up but we are still a long way from living in a culture where respect for each other regardless of age or gender is the norm. It is never ok to violate another person. The harm done is more costly on more levels than we realize and the solutions more complex than can be dealt with via laws alone. It is self-evident that for behaviour to change attitudes must change and for attitudes to change, values must change. We are living in a time where the devaluing of women and children is eroding societal fabric. It's a dangerous game to play using women as objects of pleasure and children as exploitable. We are creating a culture of fear when we could create a culture of care. 
Oh that it were as easy as applying respect respect and respect as a balm on everything and everyone. How our world might be different! May the victims in Australia and everywhere discover ways to re-empower themselves and not succumb to the slide into life-long ‘victim’ where the perpetrator retains the power. Reclaim your power (whatever it takes) and reclaim your life.
And that’s it, from my view.

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